From: Some nuts of the year

Mind the gap, you filthy, sex-starved, Sudoku-playing perverts

Emma Clarke, whose smooth, unflappable voice for years has been warning riders of the London Underground to "mind the gap," was fired in November for recording spoof announcements mocking Americans, Sudoku fans and sweaty commuters, among others.

Clarke, the official voice of the Tube for the last eight years, made the recordings as "just a bit of a laugh" and posted them on her Web site. Among them:

"Would the passenger in the red shirt pretending to read the paper but who is actually staring at that woman's chest please stop. You are not fooling anyone, you filthy pervert."

"Would passengers filling in answers on their Sudokus please accept that they are just crosswords for the unimaginative and are not in any way more impressive just because they contain numbers."

"We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly."

"Here we are crammed again into a sweaty Tube carriage ... If you're female, smile at the bloke next to you and make his day. He's probably not had sex for months."

A Tube spokesman told the Evening Standard: "London Underground is sorry to have to announce that further contracts for Miss Clarke are experiencing severe delays."

Can't travel over the holidays? You'll be glad after reading this

Thanks, Towse!