Sunday, April 20

Americans have thick skulls -- official

Police investigators would theorize that the man fired three shots from a gun that they believe was a .44-caliber handgun. One of the bullets struck Marie directly between the eyes.

It should have killed her. Instead, the bullet shattered into three pieces against her skull. The fragments ran under her skin, exited through her cheek on one side of her head and near her ear on the other.

Friday, April 18

The Queen's well wicked English innit

A 19-year-old Saaarf London girl has been advised to use the Queen's English on the phone after her hunt for a cab to whisk her to Bristol airport ended less than satisfactorily.

According to the Daily Mail, the unnamed teen rang directory enquiries two weeks ago and initially requested a number for a "Joe Baxi" firm. The nonplussed operator told her she couldn't find anyone by that name, to which the lass replied: “It ain’t a person, it’s a cab, innit.”

The enlightened operator duly put her through to Bishop’s Stortford-based retail display supplier Displaysense, where she "spoke to an equally bemused saleswoman" before thundering: “Look love, how hard is it? All I want is your cheapest cab, innit. I need it for 10am. How much is it?”

The answer was £180, and with the deal done by credit card, Displaysense obliged by delivering a display cabinet to her door the next morning.

Cue second phone chat with Displaysense. The company's marketing manager, Steve Whittle, recounted: "We thought it was a joke at first but the girl was absolutely livid. Because she spoke in 'Ali G' style slang, her order was mixed up somewhat. She was absolutely baffled as to why she had a big glass display cabinet delivered outside her house, when all she wanted was a taxi to take her on holiday.

"We apologised and gladly offered the young lady a refund on the display unit she received and suggested that maybe she should speak a bit clearer on the phone."

Whittle concluded: "We still don't know if she made it to the airport on time but she did ask our delivery driver if he could give her a lift." ®

London teen orders 'cab, innit' | The Register

Tuesday, April 8

Tiggywinkle Terminator

A man accused of lobbing a hedgehog at a boy has been charged with assault.

Cops claim William Singalargh used the animal as a weapon in a bizarre attack on the 15-year-old in Whakatane, New Zealand, in February.

Senior police sergeant Bruce Jenkins said: "It hit the victim in the leg, causing a large, red welt and several puncture marks."

Sunday, April 6

My humps, my lovely lady lumps

Ten thousand camels will be fluttering their long eyelashes in a unique international beauty pageant being held in the United Arab Emirates.

The contest in Abu Dhabi is one of the richest and biggest events of its kind, with more than $9m (£4.5m; 5.8m euros) and 100 cars in prizes up for grabs.


The high life

A nine-year old boy has been returned to his home in Indonesia after a five-day spending spree that cost his parents $10,000 (£5,043).

Ahmad Legal Civiandi, known as Vian, disappeared from his home last Friday and spent the cash on toys and gadgets.

He later asked a rickshaw driver to book him into a hotel and it was the driver who told police where he was.


Friday, April 4


Funnyman Jerry Seinfeld cheated death in the Hamptons when the brakes on his vintage Fiat failed and the car flipped over, police said yesterday.

Miraculously, the comic walked away "without a scratch," wife Jessica told The Post.

New York Post

Monday, March 31

Don't let it happen again

BATH, England, March 28 (UPI) -- A World War II-era German military pilot says Bath, England, officials have agreed to allow him to visit the city and apologize for Nazi air raids.

He just happened to be in the area

A Star Wars fan got closer to his idols than he would perhaps have liked when he was attacked in his garden by Darth Vader.

Jedi Master Jonba Hehol - known to family and friends as Barney Jones, 36, of Holyhead - was giving a TV interview in his back garden for a documentary when a man, dressed in a black bin-bag and wearing Darth Vader's trademark shiny black helmet, leapt over his garden fence.

Wielding a metal crutch - his lightsaber presumably being in for repairs - the Sith Lord proceeded to lay about his opponent, whose Jedi powers proved inadequate for the task of defending himself.

After besting Master Hehol in single combat, Vader, who The Sun reports was under the influence of alcohol, went on to assault the camera crew and a hairdresser.


And even the definition was plagiarized

It seemed like an honorable goal: Draft an honor code for University of Texas at San Antonio students to follow, exhorting them not to cheat or plagiarize.

But when students threw a draft of the new honor code onto the Internet for feedback, some noticed a problem: Parts of the code appeared to have been lifted word for word from another school's honor code, without attribution. Even the definition of plagiarism was, well, plagiarized.

Bad title of the year

If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs was crowned the winner of the Diagram Prize for Oddest Title of the Year, after a record-breaking 8,500 votes online.

The self-help manual, by an American writer called Big Boom, won 2,870 votes (33%) since the shortlist was announced on 22nd February. The runner-up is I Was Tortured By the Pygmy Love Queen (20%) and in 3rd place is Cheese Problems Solved (19%).

Sunday, March 30

This is a bust

A woman who claims she was ordered by federal airport screeners to remove her nipple rings with pliers demanded an apology from the US Transportation Security Administration.

Thursday, March 27

The family that plays together ...

PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- A man who killed his 17 month-old daughter in a rage over a broken Xbox has been sentenced to more than 20 years in prison.
Philadelphia prosecutors say 27 year-old Tyrone Spellman killed Alayiah Turman in September 2006 with at least five blows to the head when she pulled down his Xbox console. The force of the blows cracked the toddler's skull.

Speak Up! Memphis

... slays together

MESA, Ariz. -- A teenager who confessed to killing his father last month told police he hated his dad for taking away his Internet access, according to a police report released Wednesday.

KPHO Phoenix

House guest

ANNAPOLIS, Md., March 26 (UPI) -- A Maryland woman discovered a large black python may have been secretly living in her apartment for two months, animal control officers said.

MCN points out: Many women live for years with snakes without ever realising. Until they break up, and their friends reveal what they thought of him all along.

Known in Hollywood as agents

Actress Demi Moore has confessed to indulging in an unusual alternative therapy - blood-sucking leeches.


And one more for the road

A tradesman from Kent who went online to pay the London congestion charge ended up being sent 3,000 receipts.


Where I've been going wrong

A South American river dolphin uses branches, weeds and lumps of clay to woo the opposite sex and frighten off rivals, scientists have discovered.


Keep him away from Michelangelo's David

A 25-year-old Finnish tourist faces possible jail time or a fine for breaking off part of the ear of an ancient statue on remote Easter Island to take home as a keepsake, police have said.

Going, going, gorsh

A nude portrait of French President Nicolas Sarkozy's wife Carla Bruni will go under the hammer in New York next month, according to auctioneers Christie's.