Teddy goes taliban.

MILFORD, N.H. - A teddy bear has been implicated in 2,500 deaths. Of trout, that is. State officials say a teddy bear dropped into a pool at a Fish and Game Department hatchery earlier this month clogged a drain. The clog blocked the flow of oxygen to the pool and suffocated the fish.

This is just the beginning. Just you wait. Soon Barbies will be tampering with the power plants and Etch-A-Sketches will be sending messages to Osama's laptop.

(By the way, teddy was no ordinary bear--he was a PADDINGTON. Obviously in cahoots with you-know-who. Shh!)