Wednesday, May 14
Sunday, April 20
Americans have thick skulls -- official
Police investigators would theorize that the man fired three shots from a gun that they believe was a .44-caliber handgun. One of the bullets struck Marie directly between the eyes.
It should have killed her. Instead, the bullet shattered into three pieces against her skull. The fragments ran under her skin, exited through her cheek on one side of her head and near her ear on the other.
Friday, April 18
The Queen's well wicked English innit
A 19-year-old Saaarf London girl has been advised to use the Queen's English on the phone after her hunt for a cab to whisk her to Bristol airport ended less than satisfactorily.
According to the Daily Mail, the unnamed teen rang directory enquiries two weeks ago and initially requested a number for a "Joe Baxi" firm. The nonplussed operator told her she couldn't find anyone by that name, to which the lass replied: “It ain’t a person, it’s a cab, innit.”
The enlightened operator duly put her through to Bishop’s Stortford-based retail display supplier Displaysense, where she "spoke to an equally bemused saleswoman" before thundering: “Look love, how hard is it? All I want is your cheapest cab, innit. I need it for 10am. How much is it?”
The answer was £180, and with the deal done by credit card, Displaysense obliged by delivering a display cabinet to her door the next morning.
Cue second phone chat with Displaysense. The company's marketing manager, Steve Whittle, recounted: "We thought it was a joke at first but the girl was absolutely livid. Because she spoke in 'Ali G' style slang, her order was mixed up somewhat. She was absolutely baffled as to why she had a big glass display cabinet delivered outside her house, when all she wanted was a taxi to take her on holiday.
"We apologised and gladly offered the young lady a refund on the display unit she received and suggested that maybe she should speak a bit clearer on the phone."
Whittle concluded: "We still don't know if she made it to the airport on time but she did ask our delivery driver if he could give her a lift." ®
Tuesday, April 8
Tiggywinkle Terminator
A man accused of lobbing a hedgehog at a boy has been charged with assault.
Cops claim William Singalargh used the animal as a weapon in a bizarre attack on the 15-year-old in Whakatane, New Zealand, in February.
Senior police sergeant Bruce Jenkins said: "It hit the victim in the leg, causing a large, red welt and several puncture marks."
Sunday, April 6
My humps, my lovely lady lumps
Ten thousand camels will be fluttering their long eyelashes in a unique international beauty pageant being held in the United Arab Emirates.
The contest in Abu Dhabi is one of the richest and biggest events of its kind, with more than $9m (£4.5m; 5.8m euros) and 100 cars in prizes up for grabs.
The high life
A nine-year old boy has been returned to his home in Indonesia after a five-day spending spree that cost his parents $10,000 (£5,043).
Ahmad Legal Civiandi, known as Vian, disappeared from his home last Friday and spent the cash on toys and gadgets.
He later asked a rickshaw driver to book him into a hotel and it was the driver who told police where he was.
Friday, April 4
Newman!
Funnyman Jerry Seinfeld cheated death in the Hamptons when the brakes on his vintage Fiat failed and the car flipped over, police said yesterday.
Miraculously, the comic walked away "without a scratch," wife Jessica told The Post.
Monday, March 31
Don't let it happen again
BATH, England, March 28 (UPI) -- A World War II-era German military pilot says Bath, England, officials have agreed to allow him to visit the city and apologize for Nazi air raids.
He just happened to be in the area
A Star Wars fan got closer to his idols than he would perhaps have liked when he was attacked in his garden by Darth Vader.
Jedi Master Jonba Hehol - known to family and friends as Barney Jones, 36, of Holyhead - was giving a TV interview in his back garden for a documentary when a man, dressed in a black bin-bag and wearing Darth Vader's trademark shiny black helmet, leapt over his garden fence.
Wielding a metal crutch - his lightsaber presumably being in for repairs - the Sith Lord proceeded to lay about his opponent, whose Jedi powers proved inadequate for the task of defending himself.
After besting Master Hehol in single combat, Vader, who The Sun reports was under the influence of alcohol, went on to assault the camera crew and a hairdresser.
And even the definition was plagiarized
It seemed like an honorable goal: Draft an honor code for University of Texas at San Antonio students to follow, exhorting them not to cheat or plagiarize.
But when students threw a draft of the new honor code onto the Internet for feedback, some noticed a problem: Parts of the code appeared to have been lifted word for word from another school's honor code, without attribution. Even the definition of plagiarism was, well, plagiarized.
Bad title of the year
If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs was crowned the winner of the Diagram Prize for Oddest Title of the Year, after a record-breaking 8,500 votes online.
The self-help manual, by an American writer called Big Boom, won 2,870 votes (33%) since the shortlist was announced on 22nd February. The runner-up is I Was Tortured By the Pygmy Love Queen (20%) and in 3rd place is Cheese Problems Solved (19%).
Sunday, March 30
This is a bust
A woman who claims she was ordered by federal airport screeners to remove her nipple rings with pliers demanded an apology from the US Transportation Security Administration.
Thursday, March 27
The family that plays together ...
PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- A man who killed his 17 month-old daughter in a rage over a broken Xbox has been sentenced to more than 20 years in prison.
Philadelphia prosecutors say 27 year-old Tyrone Spellman killed Alayiah Turman in September 2006 with at least five blows to the head when she pulled down his Xbox console. The force of the blows cracked the toddler's skull.
... slays together
MESA, Ariz. -- A teenager who confessed to killing his father last month told police he hated his dad for taking away his Internet access, according to a police report released Wednesday.
House guest
ANNAPOLIS, Md., March 26 (UPI) -- A Maryland woman discovered a large black python may have been secretly living in her apartment for two months, animal control officers said.
MCN points out: Many women live for years with snakes without ever realising. Until they break up, and their friends reveal what they thought of him all along.
Known in Hollywood as agents
Actress Demi Moore has confessed to indulging in an unusual alternative therapy - blood-sucking leeches.
And one more for the road
A tradesman from Kent who went online to pay the London congestion charge ended up being sent 3,000 receipts.
Where I've been going wrong
A South American river dolphin uses branches, weeds and lumps of clay to woo the opposite sex and frighten off rivals, scientists have discovered.
Keep him away from Michelangelo's David
A 25-year-old Finnish tourist faces possible jail time or a fine for breaking off part of the ear of an ancient statue on remote Easter Island to take home as a keepsake, police have said.
Stuff.co.nz
Going, going, gorsh
A nude portrait of French President Nicolas Sarkozy's wife Carla Bruni will go under the hammer in New York next month, according to auctioneers Christie's.
Just like Kelly Osborne
Germany's celebrity polar bear Knut has become so addicted to the limelight that he throws tantrums when he's denied an audience, one of his keepers says.
Good thing he wasn't a pimp
The musty smell of a man's money led to his arrest on possible drug charges. The 21-year-old Sturgeon Bay man tried to deposit money smelling of marijuana at a bank here last week, according to a Sturgeon Bay police report obtained by the Door County Advocate.
Matlock?
A 70-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of impersonating a police officer after he allegedly pulled over a real officer while driving a black and white car equipped with flashing lights, authorities said.
Majesty of the law
LIMA (Reuters) - Former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori apologized for not wearing socks to his trial on Wednesday and for falling asleep in the previous court session, when a frustrated judge rang a bell to wake him.
Tuesday, March 25
At least he didn't waste his whole life
MIAMI, March 23 (UPI) -- Alfred Kreisler, a 92-year-old South Florida lawyer who married for the first time in October, is single again now that his marriage has been annulled.
Must be well-coiffed and blow-dried
Articulate, presentable, comfortable in your own skin? The latter is vital for New Zealand's independent TV channel Alt which plans to screen a naked news bulletin nightly from late April.
Alt is calling for applications for a news anchor.
Applicants should have "no inhibitions on reporting on the facts that matter, delivering hard hitting commentary and showing their 'assets' in front of a large news hungry audience," the channel said today.
She was getting too heavy to lift
ST PETERSBURG, Russia (Reuters) - Russia's Mariinsky ballet has said farewell to one of its longest-serving artistes: a 21-year-old female donkey named Monika.
The animal is to be pensioned off after 19 years carrying the knight's overweight servant Sancho Panza around the stage in productions of the ballet Don Quixote. The Mariinsky, previously known as the Kirov, is one of Russia's foremost ballet troupes.
Gophers one, humans nil
CALGARY, Alberta (Reuters) - A war on gophers waged by two Canadian men went awry this weekend when a device used to blast the rodents in their holes sparked a massive grass fire in a rural area near Calgary, Alberta, causing more than C$200,000 (99,000 pounds) in damages.
Baa-aad sports
An animal welfare charity has condemned an incident in which a lamb's leg was thrown onto the pitch during trouble at a football game at the weekend.
The leg was one of several missiles thrown after a match between Ballymena United and Distillery on Saturday.
A USPCA spokesman said it "demonstrated general disregard for animal welfare".
"It also follows a recent incident in which a horse's head was left outside the home of a hockey player in Cookstown," he added.
Monday, March 24
In the midst of life we are in d'oh!
Simpson, Homer, 72, Lacey, died Thursday, March 20, at home. Funeral Alternatives of Washington, Tumwater, 360-753-1065.
Sunday, March 23
Son, we're gonna need a bigger oven
POLK COUNTY, Fla. -- A camouflaged hunter sitting in a tree was accidentally shot and killed Friday by another hunter trying to shoot a turkey, according to the Polk County Sheriff's Office.
Investigators said Michael Shane Hasting, 40, was hunting with his 6-year-old son at the River Ranch Acres Hunt Club Friday and spotted a turkey.
Hasting fired at the turkey and moved forward to see if he hit the bird. He then discovered that he accidentally shot Randall Williamson of Pompano Beach.
God takes the day off
Norwich's Anglican cathedral had to be evacuated midway through an Easter service as candles set off fire alarms.
The 400-strong congregation lit candles at the Saturday evening service to symbolise Jesus's resurrection but as the flames grew fire alarms sounded.
Mistake we've all made
ROMFORD, England, March 22 (UPI) -- A 57-year-old British woman who feared she had ovarian cancer learned from a sonogram she was more than seven months pregnant with her first child.
Couldn't make it up (full)
A man hoping to cheer up an ailing relative at Wilcox Memorial Hospital hadn't considered one of the visitation rules: No horses allowed.
The man thought the patient would enjoy seeing his stallion, said Lani Yukimura, a spokeswoman at the hospital. He and the horse entered the hospital earlier this month and rode an elevator up to the third floor, where they were met and stopped by security personnel.
Security managed to get the man and the horse out of the hospital, with "just a few scuff marks," she said.
The hospital has a pet visitation policy, but it's for dogs and cats, not horses.
"On Kauai, we have a very warm inviting atmosphere at Wilcox," Yukimura said. "We just hope people understand this is not a place for a horse."
The man's good intentions were further dashed when his relative was brought out to see the horse.
"That's not my horse," the patient said to hospital staff.
Saturday, March 22
For two outstanding reasons
LONDON, March 21 (UPI) -- British clothing store Debenhams' survey of female customers has concluded the push-up bra is the greatest fashion invention of all time.
In my country there is problem no more
Kazakhstan's first kosher restaurant has opened for business in what Jewish community leaders said was a symbol of their culture's revival in the mainly Muslim Central Asian state.
Dave's not here, man
SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian man has found himself in trouble after calling police to report that his house had been broken into and some of his cannabis plants stolen.
Fair enough, but Bat Out of Hell?
RIYADH (Reuters) - A prominent Saudi Arabian cleric has issued a rare public attack on religious hardliners angry over a video showing him dancing at a wedding in the conservative Islamic state, a newspaper reported Tuesday.
The video, posted on the Internet, showed Sheikh Abdul-Mohsen al-Obaikan dancing the Bedouin sword dance at a wedding. Similar dances are also performed by top royals at some national festivities.
Carrion luggage
MUNICH, Germany (Reuters) - Two Italian women carrying luggage containing the remains of a man who died in Brazil 11 years ago were stopped by Munich airport police during a stopover on their journey from Sao Paulo to Naples.
"Airport security spotted the skull and bones when the suitcase was put through the x-ray machine," police spokesman Christian Maier said.
Why men keep their socks on
BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese bride burned her new husband to death after he got into bed after a drunken argument without washing his feet, state media reported on Wednesday.
Fleeing shoplifter forgets son
AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A shoplifter looking to make a quick getaway from a Dutch supermarket after stealing a packet of meat left police a crucial piece of evidence -- his 12-year-old son.
Thursday, March 20
Yo quiero a smack upside the head
LOS ANGELES - A man who pretended to be a CEO complaining about his fast-food order in a taco scam was sentenced to 30 days in jail after authorities saw the prank in an online video.
Rialto police said it was an easy case to crack because the video, called "How to Scam Del Taco" and posted on YouTube.com, shows Robert Echeverria, 32, calling the restaurant about 50 miles east of Los Angeles on Feb. 19.
In a friendly tone he claims to be a CEO named "Robert Kennedy" who has already spoken to the store's manager and corporate office about some unwanted sour cream and the lack of a receipt in a previous order.
"I love your guys' tacos," he said.
One of his two 18-year-old co-stars is later shown walking into the restaurant and claiming the food. The video ends with the three men feasting and laughing.
Echeverria even provided a pair of personal phone numbers in the video, Rialto police Lt. Joe Cirilo said.
Man gets 30 days' jail for taco theft - Yahoo! News
Not a ray of light then
MARATHON, Florida -- A woman was killed by a ray off the Florida Keys today morning when the barb-tailed animal jumped out of the water into her boat, officials said.
The victim, a 55-year-old tourist from Michigan whom authorities have not yet named, was on a boat with her family off Marathon when the ray jumped out of the water. She died either from falling over and hitting her head or from a wound from the animal's barbed tail, said Jorge Pino, spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.
Giant ray kills woman in boat - Los Angeles Times
Wednesday, March 19
Happy birthday to Jason
Lucknow, Mar.19 (ANI): Lucknow Zoo authorities today celebrated the 16th birthday of a chimpanzee with a lot of zing.
With decorations adorning the wire fencing on the cage and a birthday cake in place, fans of Jason, the chimpanzee, rang in his birthday. The chimp regaled visitors with his antics during the event.
For many, the spectacle was unique and one of its kind as they had never witnessed such a birthday celebration before.
“We ate the birthday cake and everybody was very happy and it felt really good. It is for the first time I saw a chimpanzee’s birthday being celebrated. I was elated to witness the spectacle,” said Ranu, a young visitor.
Jason was brought to the zoo in August 2007 and is said to be immensely popular with the visitors, especially children, for his naughty antics. (ANI)
Surgeons make an arse of operation
A GERMAN pensioner is taking a hospital to court after she turned up for a leg operation - and got a new anus instead.
The woman woke up to find she had been mixed up with another patient suffering from incontinence who was to have surgery on her sphincter.
Bear-faced vandal
SKOPJE, Macedonia: A court in Bitola, a city in western Macedonia, has found a bear guilty on charges of ruining a local beekeeper's apiary. The court has ruled that the bear owes around $3,000 in damages.
Monday, March 17
Cockatoo cosher sought
COCKATIELS, budgies and a plum parakeet were stolen from a family's aviary in Roydon after thieves broke into their back garden.
Alison Richards from Parkfield Road in Roydon was shocked to discover all that was left in the cage were four dead birds and a parrot.
Her 14-year-old son went outside to feed the birds in the morning and found that 25 of them had been stolen and the fence leading out onto fields behind had been cut.
Mrs Richards, 38 said: "My sons look after them and they were very upset when they found them. Especially the fact that there were dead ones which we then had to clean up. I don't know what happened to them, they might have been knocked on the head."
The rat squad go in to bat for Tony
SHOOTING NOT RIGHTEOUS, QUITE POSSIBLY, SAY AUTHORITIES
Trigger-happy rent-a-cop to be probed
BASTROP -- A University of Texas police officer is under investigation after shooting and killing an escaped chimpanzee in Bastrop.
Sunday, March 16
Licence to lie
Italy's highest appeal court has ruled that married Italian women who commit adultery are entitled to lie about it to protect their honour.
The court gave its landmark ruling after hearing the case of a 48-year-old woman, convicted of giving false testimony to police by denying she had lent her mobile phone to her lover.
The appeal court did not agree that she had broken the law.
It said bending the truth was justified to conceal extra-marital relationships.
Merry men
The world record for getting dressed up as Robin Hood has been smashed in Nottingham by a group of enthusiasts.
Hundreds of volunteers, led by the modern-day Sheriff of Nottingham, gathered at the city's castle to try and pass the previous total of 607.
Participants had to meet minimum costume requirements of a hat with a feather, a green or brown tunic and trousers and leather footwear.
The official count, taken at midday, put the total at 1,119.
One small boot for a man, a giant leap for womankind
South Korea says its first astronaut will now be a female engineer, after Russian officials rejected the initial candidate over a breach of rules.
Saturday, March 15
Up, up and away
A HOPELESS romantic saw his engagement plans vanish into thin air – after a balloon containing a £6,000 diamond ring was BLOWN AWAY.
Luckless Lefkos Hajji wanted to surprise girlfriend Leanne, 26 – so he told a florist to put the sparkler inside a helium balloon.
But as he left the shop a gust pulled it from his hand and the balloon soared into the sky.
Lefkos, 28, said: “I couldn’t believe it.
Friday, March 14
Hats off to bold, brave Tony
AUSTIN — An 18-year-old research chimpanzee was shot and killed after he escaped from an enclosure at the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center facility in Bastrop.
A team that specializes in safe animal capture tried to catch the chimp, named Tony, for 45 minutes after he escaped Wednesday. They used "at least one tranquilizer dart" before a police officer fatally shot the animal, said assistant Police Chief Thomas Engells with the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston.
It was the second time in five months that a chimp has escaped from the Michale E. Keeling Center for Comparative Medicine and Research.
Thursday, March 13
Nuts and butts
WICHITA, Kan. - A 35-year-old woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time he called police had a phobia about leaving the bathroom, the boyfriend said.
"She is an adult; she made her own decision," said her boyfriend, Kory McFarren. "I should have gotten help for her sooner; I admit that. But after a while, you kind of get used to it."
Woman lived in bathroom - Yahoo! News
I'm Goin' Down
An Australian woman stabbed her de facto husband to death after he stopped her playing her favorite Bruce Springsteen CD.
Karen Lee Cooper told arresting police: "I couldn't even play Bruce Springsteen on my stereo -- can you believe that? Can you believe that?"
She later again told police: "I mean, who doesn't like Bruce Springsteen? I'm 49 years old and I want to play my own music."
Australian Woman Kills Boyfriend - FOX News
Bubbleboy, take 2
The Discovery Science Center in Santa Ana has become embroiled in controversy because bubble artist Fan Yang will attempt to set a world record on March 18 by briefly surrounding a 40-year-old Asian elephant named Tai in a large soapy bubble as part of Bubblefest." Hundreds of readers say the event is demeaning to Tai, the 8,800-pound Asian elephant that will be placed in the non-toxic bubble. Other readers disagree.
Fan Yang: I also blow bubbles with Elephants; they love it. People don’t know what is mean having an animal in a bubble; maybe they think I will soak an elephant in a bubble or else.
Putting elephant in bubble isn't demeaning - Orange County Register
IN-N-Out more like IN-N-Park
Merchants near some Southern California In-N-Out Burger restaurants say their gripe is with growing traffic jams at drive-through lanes that are keeping customers from getting in and out of their stores.
Long lines of idling cars whose occupants are waiting for made-to-order double-doubles, fries and chocolate shakes sometimes spill into streets and block driveways and alleys, according to owners of adjacent businesses.
The traffic crunch has sent executives of the Irvine-based chain on a crash program to open new outlets to relieve pressure on existing In-N-Outs. The chain is also expanding its corps of young red-apron-clad workers with hand-held terminals outside to speed up drive-through lines.
Neighbors have a beef - Los Angeles Times
MCN congratulates the executives for brainstorming ways for Americans to get burgers, fries, and shakes more rapidly into their hands and mouths.
MCN also congratulates the LAT for getting its RDA of hyphens via a single story.
Wednesday, March 12
About three foot, medium build, hairy complexion
LEE'S SUMMIT, Mo. -- The owner of the Monkey Island Sanctuary is offering a $3,000 reward for anyone who can help track down his stolen monkeys.
Write your own punchline
ILLEGAL traders could be behind a scam in which bird lovers are duped into buying fake parrots that die days later.
RSPCA Inspectors are set to probe claims that common parakeets are being scared out of trees in London parks and sold as “rare” parrots to unsuspecting buyers.
An expert claims a Cardiff family are the latest victims of a scam where parakeets are plucked from their habitat, driven across the country and sold.
The shock and trauma causes them to die soon after.
No more nuts for Sunshine
ROYAL OAK, Mich. – The Detroit Zoo family is mourning the loss of Sunshine, a 34-year-old male silverback gorilla, who died on Tuesday.
“Sunshine was especially impressive because of his size. He was loved by Detroit Zoo staff, docents and visitors, and we all feel a tremendous sense of loss,” said Scott Carter, Director of Conservation and Animal Welfare.
The 550-pound western lowland gorilla was being treated for a flu-like illness for the past few weeks and his condition rapidly worsened on Tuesday. A necropsy is scheduled to learn more about the cause of death.
Sunshine had been treated for heart disease for the past few years and received his most recent cardiac workup in December. Cardiovascular disease, similar to that in humans, is the leading cause of death in captive gorillas. Western lowland gorillas can live into their 30s in the wild and into their 40s in captivity.
Sunshine, who has called the Detroit Zoo home since 1996, was on loan from the Columbus Zoo and was scheduled to return to Columbus with his companion, Toni, a 36-year-old female western lowland gorilla. Toni is still scheduled to go to Columbus.
Monday, March 10
Pining for the fjords
ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, Ill., March 9 (UPI) -- Bobo, a prize-winning Congo African Grey parrot from Chicago, is mostly blue these days because her sidekick, Chomper, has gone missing, their owner says.
Bobo, whose photos placed both runner-up and third in a recent competition tied to the PBS television's "NATURE" series, normally loves rolling over on her back with her feet in the air while playing with toys. But since Chomper, a small, green-and-orange Jenday conure parrot flew off -- possibly became dinner for a hawk -- owner and photographer Philip Thistlethwaite says Bobo appears to miss her.
Saturday, March 8
Monkey justice
A Jackson County judge today found probable cause that a Kansas City woman should face criminal charges accusing her of stealing three monkeys.
Friday, March 7
Pet Shop Boys
Vietnam has banned the sale and possession of hamsters, whose popularity has been soaring.
The Ministry of Agriculture says anyone caught with a hamster will be fined up to 30m dong ($1,900) - almost double the average annual wage in Vietnam.
The authorities say the creatures are a potential source of disease.
Grave matters
BORDEAUX, France (Reuters) - The mayor of a village in southwest France has threatened residents with severe punishment if they die, because there is no room left in the overcrowded cemetery to bury them.
In an ordinance posted in the council offices, Mayor Gerard Lalanne told the 260 residents of the village of Sarpourenx that "all persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish."
It added: "Offenders will be severely punished."
Cemetery full, mayor tells locals not to die - Yahoo! News
Thursday, March 6
Method actor
A central Kentucky judge had a suspicious mind when an Elvis Presley impersonator showed up for court apparently drunk and sporting sunglasses and a rhinestone-studded shirt with a scarf draped around his neck.
County Attorney Brian Goettl said that as a result, the judge had David Blaisdell, 64, tested for intoxication and sentenced him to three days in jail for contempt of court when it was determined that the man's blood-alcohol level was nearly twice that at which a person in Kentucky is considered legally drunk.
Wednesday, March 5
Giving it your all
Two German air force sergeants are facing a court martial after trying to mass produce sausages made with the blood of their comrades.
The receipe included onions, bacon and spices
The two men, who are based at Fürstenfeldbruck, a fighter squadron headquarters, near Munich had already trialed a traditional receipe using their own blood.
Dave's not here, man
A species of millipede which originated in the West Indies but has recently appeared in parts of South Florida seems to have a hallucinogenic effect on Monkeys. The monkeys "bite the millipedes, then reach behind their backs and rub it on their fur."
"Their eyes glaze over and they're completely focused on what they're doing" said the head of the primate conservation group based at the Monkey Jungle, a Miami-Dade tourist attraction. He likens it to the way that cats react to catnip.
Monkeys even pass the bugs around, five members of a monkey family shared a millipede and they turned into a "writhing mass." So now when they see primates rolling around at the bottom of their cage caretakers know they are just under the influence.
All the top news, 21 years out of date
Mar 4 2008 by Tony Woolway, Western Mail
HOLLYWOOD star Danny Kaye, who starred on screen, stage and television for more than 40 years, died yesterday at the age of 74.
Kaye, who entered Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles on Sunday afternoon, died of heart failure brought on by intestinal bleeding and hepatitis.
Danny Kaye dies aged 74 - icWales
UPDATE:
Overview
Date of Birth:
18 January 1913, Brooklyn, New York, USA moreDate of Death:
3 March 1987, Los Angeles, California, USA (heart attack) more
From IMDB
Tuesday, March 4
Inside information
DALLAS, March 3 (UPI) -- A former Texas narcotics officer advises people on how to buy and sell marijuana without getting busted, in his book, "Never Get Raided."
Once is an accident, but twice is just carelessness
ALBUQUERQUE, March 3 (UPI) -- Police are investigating whether an Albuquerque man fatally shot himself twice by mistake, it was reported.
Tear down some of this wall
BERLIN, March 4 (UPI) -- Tourists riveted by the dramatic history of the Berlin Wall say they are disappointed so little of it survived its tearing down in 1989.
Otherwise engaged
ROME, March 4 (UPI) -- Of 40,000 Romanians living in Rome and eligible to vote in coming administrative elections, only eight have registered to do so, election officials said.
Monday, March 3
Maybe he ran out of gas
THESSALONIKI, Greece, Feb. 28 (UPI) -- Greek police said they captured an ostrich that had been spotted walking on a highway outside the city of Thessaloniki.
And all I got was this lousy cheese-mould
JANESVILLE, Wis., Feb. 28 (UPI) -- Janesville, Wis., police say a cash bundle discovered by a couple in their refrigerator -- an estimated $10,000 to $12,000 -- has not been linked to a crime.
Tough old bird
CHICO, Calif., Feb. 29 (UPI) -- Police in Chico, Calif., were called Thursday to subdue a cantankerous goose which terrorized a neighborhood and briefly trapped one woman in her home.
Reserved for young folks
LONDON, Feb. 28 (UPI) -- British health officials are reviewing the case of a 61-year-old grandmother who was denied heart surgery because of her age, based on an out-of-date guideline.
Paging Batman
STUTTGART, Germany, Feb. 29 (UPI) -- Officials at a zoo in Stuttgart, Germany, say police believe a penguin that has gone missing from her enclosure was abducted.
Stuttgart zoo officials said the penguin, a female named Babe, was taken from the enclosure she shares with 54 other African penguins at some point between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. Tuesday, Der Spiegel reported Friday.
Woman of your dreams
GOLDEN HILL, Md., March 1 (UPI) -- One contestant in this year's Miss Outdoors pageant on the Eastern Shore of Maryland demonstrated her talent for skinning muskrats.
Samantha Phillips was not the first pageant contestant to double dip by competing in the World Championship Muskrat Skinning Contest, The Washington Post reported. Both are features of the National Outdoor Show, held last weekend in Golden Hill.
Phillips was the first to bring muskrat skinning right into the pageant.
"I'll be honest," she told the Post. "I can't sing, I can't dance and I don't play any musical instruments."
Overcoming Masturbation
Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both men and women of all ages. Despite what some might tell you, masturbation is not harmless. If you are trying to overcome masturbation, be assured that it is possible (even though, like any habit, it may take some work). If you are determined to do it, you will be able to. This page will give you some tips that can help you along the way.
Sunday, March 2
Don't even ask about the duck
A convenience store chain's billboard advertising its fried chicken sandwich is ruffling the feathers of some residents. Sheetz unveiled the "Crispy Frickin' Chicken" billboards at the beginning of February.
Too sexy for her shirt
Victoria's Secret, the lingerie company that introduced the Very Sexy bra, the Fantasy Bra, and the Internet server-crashing fashion show, has become "too sexy" for its own good, its top executive said.
"We've so much gotten off our heritage ... too sexy, and we use the word sexy a lot and really have forgotten the ultra feminine," said Sharen Turney, Victoria's Secret's chief executive, in a call with industry analysts.
Hard-working shirker
What happened to faking a cough? Sheriff's detectives in Franklin County said a man had his friend shoot him in the shoulder so he wouldn't have to go to work.
When he first spoke with deputies, Daniel Kuch, of Pasco, told them he'd been the victim of a drive-by shooting while he was out jogging Thursday. But detectives told KONA radio that Kuch later acknowledged that he asked his friend to shoot him so he could get some time off work and avoid an upcoming drug test.
Hands up or I'll shpritz
Akron police say a robbery attempt had more than a whiff of failure. They accuse a man of trying to stick two people up outside a video store with a bottle of cologne that had been colored black with a marking pen and resembled a gun.
Police Lt. Rick Edwards says there was a scuffle, and the bottle broke, so the suspect stank of cologne when officers arrived on the scene early Wednesday evening.
The hard stuff
A drugs bust in Hamilton yesterday turned out to be a fizzer when officers discovered it was a ginger beer brewing set-up.
Hands off the merchandise
Italy's Court of Appeal has issued a new hands-off landmark ruling - outlawing men from scratching their crotches in public.
The ruling says that blatant scratching or holding is "an act contrary to decorum and public decency".
My mum can beat up your mum
TOKYO (Reuters) - A 44-year-old mother of two has become Japan's oldest professional boxer after passing the Japanese board's license test.
Masterminds of crime
Two armed robbers who targeted a Sydney bar that was hosting a bikers' meeting must have "failed robber school", said the club's chairman.
The men stormed the bar brandishing machetes and wearing balaclavas - unaware that 50 bikers were holding a meeting in an adjoining room.
Saturday, March 1
This is a spritz-up!
AKRON, Ohio — Akron police say a robbery attempt had more than a whiff of failure.
They accuse a man of trying to stick two people up outside a video store with a bottle of cologne that had been colored black with a marking pen and resembled a gun.
Police Lt. Rick Edwards says there was a scuffle, and the bottle broke, so the suspect stank of cologne when officers arrived on the scene early Wednesday evening.
Smell of Failure - FOX News
Chicken comes home to roost
He set off on the first leg of his epic journey with a fanfare of publicity, not to mention an appropriately alternative farewell pre-dawn party on Bristol docks featuring drummers and someone playing a conch shell.
Mark Boyle's idea was to walk to Mahatma Gandhi's birthplace without a penny in his pocket, relying on the kindness of strangers for food and shelter to prove that a better world without money really was possible.
Boyle got as far as Calais before he realised that, unable to speak French to explain his mission and unable, frankly, to get much vegan food in this part of northern Europe, he faced starvation.
He was forced to turn round, recross the Channel and yesterday was to be found in genteel Eastbourne, East Sussex, explaining why a two-and-half-year pilgrimage had turned into a month-long jaunt to France and back.
May Contain Monkeys
TITUS Lucretius Carus, a first century philosopher said oneman's meat may be another's poison. But Dr Emmanuel Otaala and Mr Joseph Matte could not remember this when they met to celebrate the end of the Ebola outbreak at Boma grounds in Bundibugyo last Wednesday.
Mr Matte, the MP for Bughendera County, used the occassion to remind the public not to heed calls to abandon their delicacy - monkey meat or enkende as the Batooro love to call it.
Bundibugyo was the epicentre of Ebola that hit Uganda late last year.
In an attempt to establish the origin of the deadly Ebola virus, the government has pointed a finger at the Bundibugyo resident's insatiable hunger for monkey meat.
President Museveni went further when he ordered an investigation to establish the cause of Ebola and warned the people of Bundibugyo to desist from eating monkey meat - their delicacy.
This and the numerous reports seem to have angered Mr Matte who wasted no time in telling off the government , represented by Dr Otaala, the state minister for Primary healthcare to get off their tasty monkey.
"I am a Mukonzo from the mountains and time immemorial, people here have been eating monkeys and other animals including those bitten by snakes but they are still living," asserted the MP.
"My great, great grand parents were eating monkeys and I also eat monkeys but I have never contracted Ebola."
He signed off with a piece of advice for the government.
They should look for the root cause of Ebola elsewhere but keep off the monkey. "It was imperative for the Ministry of Health to work with other investigators to find the root cause of Ebola," Mr Matte said.
Meow mein
A Chinese restaurant diner has been paid compensation after a fat cat fell through the roof and landed on him. The man, named Bi, from Beijing city, was enjoying a meal when the overweight cat dropped on him from the roof.
Fat cat falls on diner - Daily Times
Friday, February 29
Sofa King Chicken
A Pennsylvania convenience-store chain is taking heat from critics who say its new billboard campaign promoting a fried chicken sandwich contains foul language.
Sheetz unveiled the "Crispy Frickin' Chicken" billboards at the beginning of this month. Spokeswoman Monica Jones says about one-third of the company's 346 stores carry the sandwich, and the campaign consists of 100 billboards placed near those locations.
Jones says the campaign is aimed at young adults, and the company didn't intend to offend anyone.
Altoona-based Sheetz recently removed one billboard in Hazle Township, near Hazleton, after local officials fielded complaints.
Jones says the remaning billboards will come down next Wednesday, when the campaign is scheduled to end.
Sheetz operates stores in Maryland, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Virginia and West Virginia.
Fowl Language - FOX News
Thursday, February 28
More nutty burglars
Over the past week, burglars have run rampant in one East Lake neighborhood, but now they have gone too far.
"I'm just so sick of it and tired of it," said William Roper. "I'm not gonna take it anymore."
The bad guys got his house on 34th Street Sunday night. They took guns, money, jewelry, even the lighted top off a fish tank. But,that is not all. "My underwear. They stole my underwear," he admits.
It gets worse. Crooks also took Rainbow, Roper's Amazon parrot. "The shotguns, the change, the jewelry, I don't want any of that back. I want my bird back," said Roper. "That bird we've had for 12 years. It's like a member of the family and it's just crazy that anyone would want to steal that."
Who's a really pretty boy?
MONTREAL–Slick thieves have been targeting parrots, stealing them from Quebec homes with surgical precision while leaving behind valuable jewellery, electronics and even cash.
The thefts are aimed at a global black market in rare exotic birds.
This winter, thieves crawled through windows to get into two households in St-Jean-sur-Richelieu. They used pillowcases to bag birds in lightning-quick break-ins.
"It's clearly part of a big racket," said Yvon Girard, who lost a $4,000 Amazon parrot named Tommy and a macaw named Sonny, along with three purebred chihuahuas.
"It's unbelievable. They could have cleaned out the house, but they didn't even bother searching."
Wednesday, February 27
Be prepared
A school near Bridgend has sparked outrage after pupils were ordered to write imaginary suicide notes in class, it emerged today.
Students aged just 13 were told to carry out the exercise in an English lesson in order to "get into the mind of a troubled teenager".
The school is situated just a few miles from the South Wales borough of Bridgend, an area which has been struck by a string of apparent hangings by young people.
Say hello to Hagar the Fashionable
LONDON (Reuters) - Vikings were much snappier dressers than thought, according to new evidence unearthed by a Swedish researcher.
The men were especially vain while the women dressed provocatively, adorning themselves in vivid colours, silk ribbons and glittering bits of mirrors, said Annika Larsson, a textile researcher at Uppsala University in Sweden.
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
MOSCOW (Reuters) - Six people have been killed in three days by icicles falling from buildings in a central Russian region, ITAR-TASS news agency reported Tuesday.
Plummeting chunks of ice is an annual hazard for pedestrians in Russia during the spring when the sun finally melts thick layers of ice and snow which build up on roofs over months of freezing temperatures and darkness.
Criminal mastermind
An elderly German who hid a stolen suit under his clothes was caught because he forgot to take it off the hanger, police said.
A sales assistant at a men's outfitter in the western city of Aachen noticed the hanger bulging out when the man told her he had decided against buying anything.
Down, boy
A 16-foot python stalked a family dog for days before swallowing the pet whole in front of horrified children in the Australian tropics, animal experts said Wednesday.
The boy and girl, ages 5 and 7, watched as the scrub python devoured their silky terrier-Chihuahua crossbreed Monday at their home near Kuranda in Queensland state.
Paging Simon Cowell
Kyrgyz rights activists will offer a prize of up to $1000 in a contest for the "best song" to protest against the presence of US troops in the Central Asian republic, the event's organiser said.
Igor Trofimov, a rights campaigner spearheading the anti-airbase movement which groups a few dozen activists, said the author of the best song would perform at a rally outside the US embassy in April.
Tuesday, February 26
Room service
This story has got it all:
A judge has denied an Iowa man's claim that he shouldn't have been fired for repeatedly requesting help to procure a prostitute.
Neil Jorgensen, 62, of Kalona, worked at Riverside Casino and Golf Resort in Riverside and was given a gift certificate and free night's stay at the casino hotel to mark a year's employment.
After eating and drinking at a casino restaurant, he returned to his hotel room about midnight and later called hotel managers about hiring a prostitute. When managers refused to help him, he made a call to the adjacent resort and made the same request.
"The advertisement is that it's just like Las Vegas, so I thought I was in Las Vegas," Jorgensen testified at a hearing regarding his request for unemployment benefits.
Hotel workers were sent to Jorgensen's room to ask him to stop demanding prostitutes. When they arrived at his room, Jorgensen answered the door in the nude, human resources director Tim Donovan said.
Jorgensen was fired the next day.
At the hearing, Jorgensen said his actions didn't hurt the casino, and he said he'd received strong performance reviews. He also blamed the restaurant for serving him too much alcohol.
"I was absolutely plowed," he said.
Administrative Law Judge Terence Nice turned down Jorgensen's claim for unemployment benefits.
More shooz
Police dogs in the German city of Duesseldorf are being fitted out with blue rubber shoes to protect their paws while walking the beat.
One for Miz UV
NEW YORK, Feb. 24 (UPI) -- British designer Antonio Berardi has released a pricey, 5 1/2-inch, heel-less high-heel shoe in the United States, England and elsewhere.
The shoe, which places all of the weight on a thick toe wedge and eliminates the need for a heel, sells for $3,600 a pair.
Here's what they look like:
Look right, look left, look right again
VICTORIA, British Columbia, Feb. 25 (UPI) -- Police in Victoria, British Columbia, were alerted by startled motorists to a car on the Trans Canada Highway with a naked man and two naked women having sex.
Money quote:
On arrival, only one of the women was inside with the male driver, both in their 20s, the report said. The unidentified driver said he had dropped the other woman off.
"Both were determined to be in the nude," [Officer] Rice said.
You want fivers with that?
HSBC has been forced to defend its security procedures for the third time after a customer found his branch open on a Saturday and then became locked in.
Jay Whitmarsh wandered into the deserted branch with his dog on Saturday morning, thinking staff had just nipped round the back for a moment.
Only when the door slammed behind him, locking him in, did he realise that the bank was actually closed but had been left unlocked by mistake.
Asshole in the making
TAMPA PALMS, Fla., Feb. 25 (UPI) -- A Florida woman says the elaborate first birthday bash she threw for her son -- with pony rides, a magician and nearly 60 guests -- was about creating memories.
Sheila Chapman of Tampa said the scale of the party, which she conceded may seem excessive to some, was aimed at making the event memorable to her firstborn child, "Prince" Clayburn Reed, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Monday.
Fish can count to four
Fish can count, according to scientists, who have found that North American mosquito fish have the ability to count up to four.
Previously it was known that fish could tell big shoals from small ones, but researchers have now found that they have a limited ability to count how many other fish are nearby.
This means that they have similar counting abilities to those observed in apes, monkeys and dolphins and humans with very limited mathematical ability.
MCN says: This means they are unable to count their own fingers. Fish fingers, geddit?
Also: Screw loose
DANBURY, Conn., Feb. 25 (UPI) -- Police in Danbury, Conn., said an intoxicated driver who lost control of his vehicle and struck a stop sign was unaware that his car was missing a wheel.
Jeffrey Ho, 24, was charged with drunken driving and reckless driving after police arrived at the scene of the collision at about 3:15 a.m. Sunday, the (Danbury, Conn.) News-Times reported Monday.
Officers said they began searching for Ho's car after a grocery store employee phoned authorities to report that a car leaving the store's parking lot was missing a wheel.
Lt. Shaun McColgan said Ho, who was behind the wheel of the car when police arrived, admitted to being intoxicated, but said it did not matter because "he 'wasn't driving.'"
Monday, February 25
Wanted: Monk to fill position of "Grasshopper"
A Monk was killed when he was run over by his own sit-on lawnmower as he trimmed the grass at a convent, an inquest heard.
Moments before, the 50-year-old was seen running after the driverless machine as it set off in the 12-acre grounds of a peace temple.
The Milton Keynes coroner heard that 10 years earlier, Rev Seiji Handa had lost three fingers in another lawnmower accident.
Parrot eats false leg
HE nibbled it, he tossed it aside, he hung from the top of his cage and looked at it, and then... he ate it.
But one-legged parrot George showed little initial interest in putting his stump into his newly-made `false leg'.
Stiff upper lip
An elderly couple who had a lucky escape after a plane landed in their garden told their unexpected guests "thanks for dropping in".
Plane crashes into couple's garden - Telegraph
Another great quote:
"But it has made quite an impression in the conifers, very modern gardening. You'd pay a lot of money to buy something that looked like that at the Chelsea Flower Show."
Monkey marriage
Bhadrak: At first glance, it looks like any other Hindu wedding in Orissa — a grand marriage procession, hundreds of well-wishers, and lots of upbeat music.
But that's where the similarities end. The groom in the wedding is a little monkey named Manu, and awaiting his arrival is his monkey bride-to-be — two-year old Jhumri.
Jhumri's self-appointed guardians in Bhadrak found her abandoned when she was just a newborn in a village temple, and vowed to get her married in the same shrine.
Says her guardian, Mamina, "I feel as if my own daughter is getting married. I feel sad that Jhumri will no long stay with us."
A marriage proposal was duly sent to a neighboring village, where Manu was being raised by another couple. Animal lovers in the district welcome the marriage because it will mean freedom for the newly weds.
Says an animal lover, Kanhu Kishore Sahoo, "The two monkeys were kept captive in their respective houses. No matter what the reason, we thought with our cooperation if they could be set free then we should help them out. So we conducted the marriage."
As for the bride and groom, they are all set to spend their honeymoon in the sprawling five-acre Jagannath temple in the village.
Party like you're 999
Pop legend Prince is having a secret HIP REPLACEMENT at the age of just 49—after being crippled by years of sexy dancing.
The pint-sized US star would develop a severe limp and have to use a WALKING STICK without surgery.
What a way to go
An inquest is to be held on a man who died during a contest to see who could eat the most fairy cakes.
Sunday, February 24
Must have great eyes -- even through glasses
Guys, having trouble meeting chicks? Cheer up. It could always be worse. Check out Ataru.
UPDATE: Sorry, that was a bit unnecessarily mean of me. Guy's harmless, who am I to be so superior?
Not such a bad guy after all?
The director of a Norwegian museum claimed yesterday to have discovered cartoons drawn by Adolf Hitler during the Second World War.
William Hakvaag, the director of a war museum in northern Norway, said he found the drawings hidden in a painting signed "A. Hitler" that he bought at an auction in Germany.
Fur and feathers fly
A mind-bending tale of the dog who ate the parrot, and the NBA star's wife who wants only revenge. Full story at the link below is a must-read.
"Meister bolted out of the room," Jenny said. "I went in and there were little feathers all over the place."
Jenny was so distraught she had her mom, Debbie, call Peggy V. It did not go well.
"We were in a coffee shop, and when she heard the news she screamed 'Jenny killed Sweet Cheeks!' " Amy said. "People in line thought someone had died."
Jenny said Peggy asked her to put the bird's remains in a plastic bag. She managed to find half a beak, a foot and some feathers.
Crime scenes are never pretty. Neither is the fallout.
Life begins for twins
The five orangutans at the Woodland Park Zoo were taking part Saturday in the 40th birthday celebration of two of them — the twins Towan and Chinta.
With the two males weighing in at about 310 pounds each (with the estimated strength of six men, and arms spanning 7 feet) and the three females at about half that weight, this was a birthday as only apes could have one. They all got presents, and they all tore them apart.
Saturday, February 23
Caerphilly does it
A statue of the comic Tommy Cooper is set to be unveiled in his hometown - just like that - by Hollywood star Sir Anthony Hopkins.
Cooper - thought by many to be the greatest comedian of his generation - was born in Caerphilly, south Wales.
BBC NEWS | UK | Wales | Tommy Cooper statue unveiling due
MCN says: Here's one of the many video clips on YouTube, most of which sadly are of pretty pisspoor quality. This is the famous glass-bottle-bottle-glass trick.
"A bigger boy made me do it"
ALBUQUERQUE, Feb. 22 (UPI) -- The Baby Face Bandit bank robber in Albuquerque was arrested after his mother reported him to police, a report said.
The mother of Carlos Lueras, 28 -- known by authorities for his youthful face -- called police after seeing him on television, billboards and the news, the Albuquerque Journal reported.
Unbalanced parrot
A PARROT who likes to say ‘bloody hell’ will have more cause to be cheerful now that he’s being fitted with a prosthetic device for his missing leg to help him sleep.
The false leg will be fitted by University of Salford experts after George, an African grey parrot, lost his leg when he was attacked in his aviary by a wild animal 18 months ago.
Low-cost vote-rigging
TITUSVILLE, Fla., Feb. 22 (UPI) -- A brouhaha has reportedly erupted in the race for a Florida state House seat after one of the candidates mailed postage stamps to voters.
The Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Friday that Democratic Party officials are accusing Republican candidate Sean Campbell of violating a state election law by mailing stamps to voters. Campbell reportedly urged voters to use the free stamps to mail in their absentee ballots for Tuesday's election.
Not much to fuss over, you would think, but of course the opposition saw its chance:
"How is this different from walking door-to-door and giving people two quarters to vote for you?" Schale was quoted as saying. "Is that OK?"
Every man has his price. In Florida, it seems, that price is remarkably low.
Nice work if you can get it
Job: Teenage Pregnancy Implementation Manager, MANCHESTER CITY COUNCIL
- Employer: MANCHESTER CITY COUNCIL
- Posted: 19 Feb 2008
- Reference: NB50418967/11
- Location: Greater Manchester
- Industry: Government - Local government
- Contract: Contract
- Hours: Full Time
- Salary: £29,728 to £33,291
No smokes without firemen
MERRIMACK, N.H., Feb. 22 (UPI) -- Police in Merrimack, N.H., said a woman who demanded a ride home from a fire truck crew stole cigarettes from a convenience store earlier that same day.
The Naked Ape
Newborn Cinder had a beautiful, full coat of hair. Nothing unusual, baby chimpanzees are born with hair, but what followed was unusual. When she was about five months old, we noticed that Cinder was losing some hair. She continued to lose her hair and in a definite pattern, first from her lower body and gradually extending up until after close to a year, Cinder was completely bald.
Friday, February 22
Down boy
AZUSA, Calif. -- Doggone it, my truck's gone!
Police said Charles McCowan parked his pickup in front of a mini-mart Wednesday, leaving his 80-pound Boxer named Max in the passenger seat. When he came out, the truck and Max were gone.
McCowan called police, assuming the truck had been stolen. When officers arrived, they found the pickup across the street in a fast-food parking lot but had no idea how it got there.
In security video shown Thursday on KCAL-TV, the truck can be seen rolling backward out of the store lot and across the street, threading its way through traffic and out of view.
Police said that after McCowan left the truck, Max knocked the vehicle out of gear and sent it rolling backward.
Both Max and the truck emerged without a scratch.
Are Women Human?
LONDON (Reuters) - They may not leap off the shelves into the best-seller category, but the books shortlisted for the oddest book title prize certainly grab the attention.
"I was Tortured by the Pygmy Love Queen" recounts the tale of a fictional U.S. World War Two fighter pilot who is captured by jungle pygmies led by a sadistic woman.
Its sequel, which is not on the shortlist released by trade publication The Bookseller (www.thebookseller.com) Friday, needs no explanation: "Go Ahead, Woman, Do Your Worst."
Barely legal
TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese man was arrested for trespassing this week after turning up at a high school dressed in a girl's uniform and a long wig, local police said.
Looking up the fundamentals
Italian researchers have found that women who claim to experience vaginal orgasms in the so-called G spot are anatomically different from those who do not.
They say this opens up the prospect that a simple ultrasound may show whether a woman should keep pursuing the elusive G spot orgasm, or abandon the search.
This little piggy went to market
In what they say is a last-ditch attempt to save the Uk's pork industry, dozens of pig farmers gathered in London aiming for an Internet hit with their song "Stand by your Ham".
Two-faced kitten dies
AMARILLO, Texas, Feb. 21 (UPI) -- A two-faced kitten in Amarillo, Texas, died just one day after he was born, the kitten's owner said.
MCN says: Rather a harsh judgment on such a tiny innocent creature.
Support your local police force
ANDERSON, S.C., Feb. 21 (UPI) -- Anderson County, S.C., authorities said a man was arrested after he parked a stolen convertible outside the County Sheriff's Office.
The stamps wouldn't stay stuck
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla., Feb. 21 (UPI) -- Authorities in West Palm Beach, Fla., have arrested a man accused of trying to mail roosters to Puerto Rico for illegal cockfights.
Lion no longer rampant
STOCKHOLM, Sweden, Feb. 21 (UPI) -- Heraldists at Sweden's National Archives said the Nordic Battlegroup's decision to remove the penis from a lion depicted on its coat of arms violates copyright.
Good thing it wasn't a proctology lesson
UPPSALA, Sweden, Feb. 21 (UPI) -- A lecturer at Sweden's Uppsala University has been found guilty of assault after he slapped a student during a medical demonstration.
The female student said she was asked by the lecturer to lie on her back in front of the about 70 students in her class as part of a demonstration on how to check a patient's level of consciousness, The Local reported Thursday.
The student said the lecturer then proceeded to slap her several times in the face with enough force that her cheeks remained red two hours later when she reported the incident to school administrators.
The lecturer said in court that the slapping was part of an educational demonstration. However, he was convicted of assault by Uppsala District Court and ordered to pay a fine.
AdSense NonSense
Ads spotted right next to each other (links redacted):
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www.5MinuteLearningMachine.com
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and read twice as fast Speed reading software-free trial
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The-SpeedReading.Info
A bridge too far
CHEB, Czech Republic, Feb. 21 (UPI) -- Police in Cheb, Czech Republic, said they were investigating the disappearance of a four-ton iron bridge from a rail line.
Holy snackfood
EUGENE, Ore., Feb. 21 (UPI) -- A Eugene, Ore., radio DJ is helping sell a pretzel on eBay that allegedly resembles the Virgin Mary -- and bidding on the item has approached $100 million.
As of 6:43 p.m. PST Thursday, the top bid for the pretzel was $99,000,100.
Perhaps they should check Mom's batteries
The Bowman family, of Lithia, Fla., said an Elmo doll belonging to their 2-year-old son, James, began to spout death threats towards him after they changed its batteries, TBO.com reports.
The Elmo Knows Your Name Doll started saying "Kill James!" in a sing-song voice, the site reports.
"It's not something that really you would think would ever come out of a toy," James' mother, Melissa, told the site. "But once I heard, I was just kind of distraught."
Elmo Doll Threatens to Kill Toddler - FOX News
Not doing the math
It now costs the U.S. Mint almost two cents to make a penny and almost a dime to make a nickel.
Penny Wise? - Yahoo! News
Tough love
[W]hen doctors told him they may have to switch off [his wife's] life-support machine, distraught Dom took drastic action - by giving his wife a firm telling-off.Dom’s stern words managed to penetrate through the near-fatal coma and Yvonne even remembers him making the impassioned speech, admitting that she “never liked getting told off”.
Dom held Yvonne’s hand and demanded: “You start fighting, don’t you dare give up on me now. I’ve had enough, stop mucking around and start breathing. Come back to me.”
Incredibly, just two hours later, she steadily began to start breathing again.
Miracle Story: A bloody good rollicking - SkyPedia
Thursday, February 21
Good news for gorillas
Efforts to protect the critically endangered mountain gorilla received a big boost yesterday when Rwanda, Uganda and the Democratic Republic of Congo agreed to cooperate on a 10-year conservation plan for the animals.
Only 720 mountain gorillas remain in the wild, all of them in the misty hills of central Africa where the three countries' borders meet. In the past 14 months, at least 10 gorillas have been killed in Congo's Virunga park by rebel fighters and people involved in the illegal charcoal trade.
Chimpy columnist
Dear Ask the Paperboy,
I love a good chimp custody battle! Thanks for covering the most recent goings-on at Chimp Haven, where the legal battle ensues concerning a Texas judge and the limbo situation of six chimpanzees who have been hanging at Chimp Haven for 14 months while their San Antonio digs were refurbished. Is it hard covering all the chimp news that's fit to print?
Shreveport Times for answers
Babies boot tumour out of womb
Like any thrilled mother to be, Michelle Stepney cherished the first kicks she could feel from her unborn babies.
But her lively twin girls were doing more than simply making their presence felt.
Each little kick was saving their mother's life.
Unknown to her, Mrs Stepney, 35, had developed cervical cancer. Her unborn twins' constant kicking in the womb actually managed to dislodge the tumour.
It was only when Mrs Stepney was taken to hospital with a suspected miscarriage that doctors realised she had cancer.
They told her the babies had saved her life. Without them, the cancer may not have been discovered until it was too late.
Wednesday, February 20
New donut holder on show
LAKE MARY - Police are trying to find the man in a red Corvette who keeps visiting the Dunkin' Donuts drive-through window while naked from the waist down.
He did it three times Thursday and once Friday, according to store employees.
They didn't get a great description, and they didn't get his license-plate number.
Nice work if you can get it
Shimla: Catching a monkey in Himachal Pradesh would soon a become rewarding endeavour as wildlife officials here are thinking of involving the public and giving them a cash prize for catching the menacing simians.
Tuesday, February 19
Vagina in school paper sparks uproar - UPI.com
LOS ANGELES, Feb. 18 (UPI) -- Students at a Los Angeles high school have protested after school officials confiscated an issue of the school newspaper that featured a diagram of a vagina.
MCN says: The papers have front-page pictures of dickheads all the time, and nobody seems to mind. What's with that?
Funny money
A Phoenix man was caught Monday trying to use counterfeit $100 bills at a local store. The store clerk tells MyFOXPhoenix.com that the money Scott Martin handed him was obviously fake.
The problem? Instead of adorning Benjamin Franklin’s face, these bills showcased Abraham Lincoln, whose face appears on the $5 bill.
Not-So-Clever Counterfeiter Caught - FOX News
Six days shalt thou labour, and on the seventh, more labour
TAMPA - Ybor City's 3-year-old Relevant Church offered a unique challenge to its members Sunday: 30 straight days of sex, or no sex at all.
It's called the 30-Day Sex Challenge. Married couples are expected to have sex at least once a day, every day, for a month. Single people are to abstain from any sexual activity for the same period.
Head pastor Paul Wirth, 39, delivered the challenge to the married couples, citing the statistics: About half of all marriages end in divorce.
Be on the lookout for a forty-foot turkey
Police have arrested a 32-year-old man they accuse of stealing 217 cases of Pepperidge Farm stuffing mix.
Postman Fat and his black and white cat
Australia's postal service has increased the maximum weight for mailmen and women by 15kg in an attempt to attract more "posties", local media reported.
Letter to Wife of KMart Offender
MCN says: Go to the link to check out this hilarious letter. That guy sounds like someone I'd want to get to know.
UPDATE: Killjoy Snopes.com puts the kybosh on the story. It's not real. But it's still funny. So take that, Snopes.
The toot, the whole toot and nothing but the toot
A woman who said she was relentlessly taunted by colleagues because of chronic flatulence has lost her discrimination claim.
The woman, who cannot be named, claimed she was subjected to cruel jibes from staff at Leeds Metropolitan University because she suffered from severe irritable bowel syndrome.
Monday, February 18
Boxer dog
Meet Ringo Tsar - a dog who can pack a knock-out punch with his paws.
Owner Russ Williams has trained the 15-month-old black Russian terrier in the art of kick-boxing.
Girls on tap
Next week, Firebox.com is releasing a flask that will give your lady a little extra on top, and a little buzz to go with it.
MCN says: Visit link for tasteful animated graphic.
At the very least she has two spares for breakfast
After Laura Moon started suffering stomach pains, doctors decided to carry out an ultrasound scan on the teenager.
When they saw the results, they were astounded.
For the scan revealed that she had four kidneys. The 18-year-old is now hoping to donate the extra organs for transplant operations.
Breast implants reject man
Dragon FX tattoo artist Lane Jensen augmented his tattoo of a buxom cowgirl on his leg with actual silicone implants, shown here prior to his body rejecting the foreign objects. (supplied photo)
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