Obesity crisis linked to liberalism.

According to Rush Limbaugh, recent studies that state obesity rates for adults in the United States increased in 31 states during 2005 are proof that liberals are killing innocent people.

"This is what happens when you let the left run things," Limbaugh said, forgetting that all three branches of the U.S. government were run by Republicans in 2005. "We've seen the babies with the extended tummies, the walking skeletons, told that kids can't learn unless they're fed. We've been guilted into pouring resources on the problem. And now, now, the latest crisis is that there is obesity among those who are impoverished. Because we are sympathetic, we are compassionate people, we have responded by letting our government literally feed these people to the point of obesity."

Limbaugh went on to say that in America, we "didn't teach them how to fish, we gave them the fish. Didn't teach them how to butcher a... slaughter a cow to get the butter, we gave them the butter."

In a related story, Land O' Lakes is set to announce their newest product, "Beef Butter," this weekend. The product and its tagline, "REAL butter. REAL beef. REAL slaughtered cows," was the brainchild of Land O' Lakes Product Development Supervisor Phil Phillips.

"Ever since I saw that Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercial where the guy walking with the chocolate bar runs into the guy walking with the peanut butter and the chocoloate bar goes into the peanut butter and they're both all indignant until they try it and it tastes great because it's a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and who doesn't like those, I've had this nagging voice in the back of my head saying, 'Slaughter a cow to get the butter... Slaughter a cow to get the butter...,'" Phillips said. "Then when I heard Rush (Limbaugh) say those same words, I knew I had something."

The obese Limbaugh, rumored to be a potential celebrity spokesperson for Beef Butter, could not be reached for comment.